A salute to Erica Roman

I’ve been off of here again for too long, so here’s an attempt to get back in the saddle and write. I’m in the process of transposing (read: copy/pasting) my old durbansingleparentmale.com blog over to it’s new home (same URL). It’s weird to get emails from old readers like “why are you putting this crap back up?” It’s important to me I guess, and maybe someday it will be of use to someone else.

Last year around this time I posted about a little Twitter exchange I had with Patton Oswalt, who had recently lost his wife. I sent him some love, he sent some back, and for a minute there I had 5,000 views on this blog. It was pretty exhilarating. Recently I heard he’d announced his engagement to Meredith Salenger, someone I’ve never heard of but who was in a movie back in the 80’s I think.

Now, I’m gonna be candid here and admit, straight up, that the first thought that went through my head was “oh, but that’s soon…” It’s been like a year, right? Barely? I thought “too soon, too soon, they all say you should wait five years or something before getting hitched again.” Not that I did. But anyway.

Then I read this very lucid, beautiful piece of “up yours” to the people who’d trolled the announcement and thought “oh yeah that’s very, very true.” It’s funny. My life was taken apart, exploded really, with the death of Janie. How soon I forgot how harrowing all of that was.

So this post is a bit of a tip of the hat to Erica Roman who wrote what needed to be said about this topic. I don’t really have much more to say about it myself, to be honest. Just that now that I’ve removed my head from my sphincter long enough to recall how much courage it takes to get on with life and choose to believe that good things would come my way if I stayed open to them, I can give a hearty congrats to Mr. Oswalt, who deserves what happiness he can get out of this life. Also to Erica. You keep going brave soul, one foot in front of the next, one day at a time, as us griefers have learned to say. It’s coming. If it’s what you want, it will come to you. Just keep going.

It’s all you can do, right?